Help! I'm parenting alone!

Each day is a melody waiting to be created

Oh, hey! Well done, you found me! I am so happy about that I could cry. Well, well, I probably cried already today, so I'll jump up and down instead.

The song I am singing today is accompanied by the birds out in the garden. They sing so loud I can barely hear myself humming. It's beautiful! Parenting, Parenting, lalalalaal...

But here is a "quack" in my beautiful melody: I'm alone with my kid. Something did not work out the way I (or my parents) had planned it, and now, force is to realize that it is going to be so: me and my kid, my kid and me, all alone... 

Does that change my parenting style? Oh yes! Of course, who is asking that?

When there are two parents, they get to argue about the best possible ways to deal with just about anything. I am talking about "positive arguments", the ones that help you grow, understand, put things into perspectives, change your mind etc.

Since I am alone with my kid, the only person I can ask for help in understanding matters is... well, my kid! Crazy, hey?
As a result, he is more able to reflect than any kid his age and I have to spit out my worries in a language that is acceptable for a 10-year old. Not easy!

OK, don't get all panicky on me, it is not like I am asking him to solve major issues for me, but his opinion takes a heavy part in my decisions, want it or not, he votes for 50% of the household.
This blog is about sharing this amazing, life-enhancing experience to parent a wonderful kid... or to parent in order to obtain a wonderful kid, or... well, you get what I mean, right?

Those Family Ties

It is not so easy for a small child to feel close to grand-parents, uncles, aunties and cousins when they only see each other a couple of weeks each year. We live abroad and my son sees his French family for the Summer holidays, for Christmas, sometimes at Easter.

When my son was little, we got there, it was always late, we had traveled for two days, in bus and train, and everyone was focused on the little boy, expecting him to jump to their arms and cuddle... and I would have loved this too...

But, it was not so, when we reached the familial nest, my son hid behind my legs, refused to look at anyone, cried if Granny came close, and fought if auntie wanted to hold him.

It was all normal and even though he knew his people, they looked strange to him.

It usually took about one week before he was comfortable with all these new faces, and this was often just the time we needed to leave again.

I found that as he grew, he had to refer to things he did in the past with his grand-mother or uncle and so on, before he could feel comfortable with them. If they were willing to play along, and talk with him about the great time they had last time watering the plants or riding the horse, then it was all good and the ice was broken in a jiffy.
 

When my son was 3 and a half and he was more comfortable with his French family, he liked to get back in his "old tracks" as soon as we arrived there, so I made sure Grand-Dad remembered to charge the battery of his electrical motorbike and that the toy garage was in the living room.

Patience is a key word, and of course, when your time is limited, with a little bit of help from everyone involved, it can be smoother.

I find that a willingness to bend the rules now and then (like letting my child go to bed later on the day extra members of the family show up for example)

At home, I kept a simple photo album, with snapshots of holidays and fun times. At times, my son would look through it alone or with me to recall Christmas in France or riding auntie's horse.